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首页 » 语法写作 » SAT作文分析不到6分?案例诊断与提分建议

SAT作文分析不到6分?案例诊断与提分建议

文章出处:网责任编辑:作者:人气:-发表时间:2018-09-13 11:27:00【

十月考试在即,很多学生苦恼于作文分析得分过低,很多都在5以下。此外,还有8/4/8,7/2/6这一类阅读高分、写作高分,但分析低分的成绩。由于分析得分仅为4或2,所以即便阅读与写作得了高分,作文竞争力降低很多,整体成绩几乎等于无效。

这里有两篇分析得分为5的作文。我们看一下是什么原因导致分析分数不高,以及高分该如何获取。文章是2016年3月北美真题,选自E.J. Dionne Jr.,的“A Call for National Service”。原文前三段内容如下:

  真题文章(部分)

1.Here is the sentence in theDeclaration of Independence we always remember: “We hold these truthsto be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed bytheir Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life,Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” 

2.And here is the sentence weoften forget: “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on theprotection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives,our Fortunes and our Sacred Honor.

3.This, the very last sentence ofthe document, is what makes the better-remembered sentence possible. One speaksof our rights. The other addresses our obligations. The freedoms we cherish areself-evident but not self-executing. The Founders pledge something “to eachother,” the commonly overlooked clause in the Declaration,s finalpronouncement.

很多学生大概对这篇文章还有印象,文章主旨是号召美人民为国家服务(national service should be called for)。现在,请大家阅读学生的分析(部分文法等错误已修改) :

  学生作文1:

To start off the essay,the author contrasts two paragraphs from the Declaration to persuadepeople that national service should be called for.  It is widely known that the Declaration ofIndependence is the principle of the founding of America. The author uses the Declaration of Independence to reiterate the fact that we are a country thatwas built on equality and freedom,  and therefore, everyone is entitled by Godto own unalienable rights. Here the writer emphasizes citizens’ rights, andinforms the readers that this is necessary for us to uphold it. Then the Document clearly states, “we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our future,and our sacred honor.” It means that everyone needs to equally give up his orher rights to protect each other. The author reminds the readers that thesewords still apply today and that they should abide by it. The author usescontrast in the first two paragraphs to show readers that there are parts thatpeople seem to have forgotten: they have to protect each other as well…

分析诊断:学生没有对contrast进行合理分析,没有突出对比之后义务(obligation)的重要性,过于偏重于对首段“人人享有平等权利”的分析,导致分析的重点偏移,比例失衡。因为作者提及的第一段并非重点,首段内容只是为了第二段“人人亦有责任”做一个铺垫、烘托。此处,作者通过将《独立宣言》中人们常常记得的开篇内容(人生而平等,享有权利)与人们通常忘记的篇尾内容(人人有保护他人权利等)做对比,突出表明后者内容,呼吁人们不要忘记:享有权利同时更要承担责任,(Citing two parts of the Declaration, the writer intends to establisha contrast between what is well known and what is often neglected todemonstrate the significance of serving for others as well as the nation),从而引出文章主旨,为后文观点陈述提出理论性证据。所以进行分析时,应该把重点放在“责任”的分析方面,而非“权利”。

建议:分析时,需要读懂作者陈述意图。作者陈述的内容并非段段或者句句都是重点。有些内容仅仅是为了其他内容做烘托。所以学生要擦亮双眼,看清事实真相,认清作者陈述目的。

  学生作文2:

The first and second paragraphs act as the introduction of thepassage. Here, the writer lists quotations from the famous document “The Declaration of Independence.” In the first paragraph, the writer states thatpeople are born equal. The second quotation says “we should pledge to eachother our lives.” The second quotation can replenish the first quotation. Usingquotation from famous article can make readers to be familiar with the topic ofthe passage. The readers can be guided to follow the idea of the passage. Thereaders know the author is talking about the “rights” and what should be doneto let them have rights.

分析诊断:1. 学生错误将quotation理解为分析重点。Quotation其实只是一个工具,作者运用这个工具目的在于contrast,所以提及quotation没有问题,但是重点需着落在contrast上面。2. 分析出现偏差。学生陈述:The readers know the author is talking about the “rights” and whatshould be done to let them have rights. 此处分析不严谨。作者引用目的并不在于强调权利,而是义务和责任。所以两者并非并列关系。此句改为:The readers would be notified that to own “unalienable rights” meansto take on “unavoidable responsibilities.”

建议:试卷第二个box内容明确要求:分析时着重于mostfocused feature(s)进行分析。所以请同学们记住:考试时,要分清楚feature(s)的主次,并非所有features都同等重要。同时,要读懂原文重点内容,体会作者陈述目的,进行正确分析。 

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